Erling Haaland scored another goal in another Manchester City win this weekend, taking his total in his first seven Premier League games to 11 goals, which is a silly number of goals.
He’s got three more in a couple of Champions League outings for the giggles as well, and has done all this despite famously barely bothering to touch the ball the rest of the time.
Here are some of his Ridiculous Stats already…
* The 11 goals he’s plundered in his first couple of months in Our League is the same number as the career totals of Dimitri Payet, Ademola Lookman, Harry Maguire, Emmanuel Petit and Granit Xhaka and more than Daniel Amokachi, Joelinton, Diego Forlan, Serhiy Rebrov, Andriy Shevchenko, Ronnie Rosenthal and Timo Werner.
* Haaland has more Premier League goals this season than Manchester United, Chelsea, Newcastle, Leeds, Bournemouth, Everton, Southampton, Aston Villa, Crystal Palace, Wolves, West Ham, Nottingham Forest, Leicester and fourth-placed Brighton.
* Those goals are currently coming along at a rate of one every 52 minutes. If he were to continue that rate and play every remaining minute of the league season (up to you which of these currently seems less likely…) he would end the season with 64 Premier League goals.
* By scoring nine goals in his first five Premier League games, Haaland finally knocked Micky Quinn’s name out of the record books. He jointly held the previous record for most goals in his first five Premier League games with eight in the year football was invented. Sergio Aguero matched him in 2011/12.
* Haaland is already one of only six players to score back-to-back Premier League hat-tricks, but hasn’t yet matched Harry Kane in this particular field of excellence. Kane has not only done it twice, but did so in the same year (if not the same season) after scoring seven goals across the final two games of 2016/17 against Leicester and Hull before netting hat-tricks in successive games against Burnley and Southampton either side of Christmas Day seven months later. Hard as it is to credit, incidentally, that Boxing Day treble against Southampton in 2017 remains Kane’s most recent Premier League treble.
* With his second hat-trick Haaland matched the all-time Premier League totals of Gareth Bale, Roberto Firmino, Sadio Mane, Christian Benteke, Eden Hazard and – briefly – Son Heung-min.
* Haaland’s two hat-tricks take Norway joint fifth with Spain on the list of countries to have produced the most Premier League trebles with 12, Haaland standing on the shoulders of such giants as Ole Gunnar Solskjaer (three hat-tricks), Steffen Iversen and Joshua King (two each), John Carew, Tore Andre Flo and Jan Age Fjortoft (one).
* Haaland’s 11 Premier League goals have come from 27 shots and, even more ridiculously, 156 total touches. That’s a shot conversion rate of 40.7%, and a touch conversion rate of 7.05%. To be entirely clear about what we’re saying here: roughly one in six of Haaland’s touches is a shot, and roughly one in 14 of Haaland’s touches is a goal.
* The back-to-back hat-tricks against Palace and Forest came from a combined total of 32 touches.
* Haaland is responsible for only 2.54% of Manchester City’s Premier League touches this season, but 23% of their shots and 48% of their goals.
* Eleven goals matches or betters Didier Drogba’s total return in six of his nine Premier League campaigns with Chelsea.
* Haaland is both the fastest and youngest player to reach 20 Champions League goals, obliterating Harry Kane’s previous benchmark of 24 games by 10 when reaching the landmark in just 14 games for Salzburg and Dortmund. At 20 years and 231 days old, Haaland was over a year younger than previous record-holder Kylian Mbappe as the youngest player to reach 20 Champions League goals.
* After just 21 caps, Haaland is joint ninth on the list of leading goalscorers for the Norway men’s national team and needs just 14 more to overhaul Jorgen Juve’s benchmark of 33 which has stood since before World War Two.
Erling Haaland honours
Austrian Bundesliga: 2018/19, 2019/20
Bundesliga Player of the Season: 2020/21
Bundesliga Player of the Month: January 2020, November 2020, April 2021, August 2021
Bundesliga Team of the Season: 2020/21, 2021/22
UEFA Champions League Squad of the Season: 2020/21
UEFA Champions League Forward of the Season: 2020/21
UEFA Champions League Top Goalscorer: 2020/21
UEFA Nations League Top Goalscorer: 2020/21
FIFA FIFPro World 11: 2021
Premier League Player of the Month: August 2022
Erling Haaland top-flight league goals record
Molde (Eliteserien) 2017-2018: 39 games, 14 goals
Red Bull Salzburg (Austrian Bundesliga) 2018-2020: 16 games, 17 goals
Borussia Dortmund (Bundesliga) 2020-2022: 67 games, 62 goals
Manchester City (Premier League) 2022: 7 games, 11 goals
Total: 129 games, 104 goals
Erling Haaland Champions League record
Red Bull Salzburg 2019-20: 6 games, 8 goals
Borussia Dortmund 2019-22: 13 games, 15 goals
Manchester City 2022: 2 games, 3 goals
Total: 21 games, 26 goals
Erling Haaland international record
Norway 2019-22: 21 games, 20 goals